A mom on a guilt ride!


And I cried more… yes cried even more, immersed in guillty for all those times when I was irritated and annoyed at my 18months old daughter when she showed tears and tantrums for more than few minutes.
My daughter was watching baby rhymes and I was sitting close to her with a sense of loneliness and boredom. Lonelines and boredom when combined together with many more emotions turned up into fat uncontrollable tears. I tried to cease the water running out of my eyes then and there, but before I could do that.. my little girl looked at me uttering softly “ mamma, aasu aai? rona nai”(yes, she has recently started forming sentences). At that particular time I couldn’t win over my emotions. Flow of tears continued. She ran in her fastest speed to get a napkin which was hanging down the wash basin; wiped my tears from one hand while second hand’s index finger on her lips ,trying to comfort me with her sweet voice “chup chup mamma..rona nai”. She hugged me tightly, patted tenderly on my back, kissed me many many times while murmering “mamma hai..meri mamma hai” and I hugged her even tighter. (Hugs have always worked for me.) And suddenly then I realised she interuppted herself between her favourite rhymes to heal me!! I felt blessed!!!!! I was crying even more now as was overwhelmed with the tender affectionate efforts she has put to make me feel good and cheerful. But the little girl couldn’t make out the differnce between the tears before and after, resulting she took the empty cup of tea from the side table and offered me saying “mamma chai peo”,then started dancing on rhymes and of course she made me danced with her and hence her task ended!
well, I would like to add – this is what I do when I am sad..I make a  full big cup of tea and dance as this refreshes me but I din’t knew that my little angel who is just of 18 months know it so well!! Kids grow up so fast! I was glorified with this angelic affection.
I was still crying from inside, knowing and understanding that my baby darling has tried all the tricks and finally brought back her playful mom again. I was taken aback to realise that such a small girl did it all without showing a sense of irritation which I was almost always failed at. I was crying at my failure this time.
Honestly, I never ever felt more loved than today. I realised it’s not me who is with her ..it is she, who is with me, making me feel happy and adored!